Prepare: Game Face

Last night we had our last training before the next bout - we did some clockwise warm up excercises (in slow motion as our floor was very slippery), some footwork excercises, and then, the skates came off for scrimmaging.

It was the most hilarious excercise we've ever done! Unfortunately I went down in the first scrimmage onto my sprained wrist, but it was the funniest session I've ever seen. Scrimmaging with skates on is a lot easier, but I think we all learnt a lot about player capabilities, and how important basic skating skills are in a scrimmage.

I'm trying to keep my mind busy for the next two days, so that I don't think about the bout too much. I've only played one jam in a public bout before (I managed not to fall over, which was about all I could think of at the time). I'm not terrified at this point, but I'm a little worried that come tomorrow night, I won't sleep a wink. Fortunately I've got plenty to do (Rebelicious! is taking me to see her mum perform in a musical tonight, work and Stas's birthday tomorrow evening) but in the moments between, I'm getting a few butterflies in my tummy.

So, let's just hope I don't injure myself too badly on Sunday, and that the Salty Dolls prevail over the Road Train Rollers!

I am a lazy, lazy cow

So, here I am, back again after neglecting the blog I said I wouldn't neglect any more. No more promises, but I'll try.

I've been in a bit of a funk for the past few months. Since I last posted, I quit my job and moved into a different field. I've been second guessing my decisions, myself in general, and my abilities as a skater, virtually the entire time.

I think that the problem started because derby was my crutch when I hated my job. Now that I don't have a job I hate, it's been difficult for me to concentrate as much as I had been on derby. It got me through a lot of difficulties I was having, when I needed a support.

One thing it hasn't, until now, been able to rid me of is my lack of self confidence. I'm a late bloomer when it comes to derby - I'm the first to admit it. And even when I am doing well, I need external validation in order to truly believe that I'm getting somewhere.

My latest funk started a few weeks ago, on the day of the last bout (Road Train Rollers versus Mile Die Club). I was getting ready to leave the house when I did one of those supremely uncoordinated things that happen when you're just not paying enough attention - I kicked the edge of a door. While my toe felt, and looked broken, my doctor has told me it's sprained. I tried to skate at the next training and got half way through the session, then couldn't skate for a week, and wearing boots is still a pretty big problem. The combination of not being able to skate, and the onset of winter put me into a foul, depressed state, where in throes of self pity I would tell myself I would better serve my team and league as a referee.

I went back to training last Thursday for a practise scrimmage, and I think that it might have been when the roller derby lightbulb in my brain officially switched all the way on. The Salty Dolls had two thirty minute scrimmages, the first against the Rollers, then against the Dies. I helped make walls. I bootied people out. I hit people. I was vocal about opposition positions.

All of the trainings since then have been awesome for me. I feel like I've finally gotten in touch with what I need to in order to perform well. My skating style has improved, as I'm trusting my body more. I wish I knew what had brought it about. I can think of a couple of things, including catching up with my oldest friend - I haven't seen him for a few years, and in that time I've come out of my shell and, he tells me, I am noticeably more confident and at ease with myself (also nerdier, as I dragged him to see the new Star Trek and squealed with glee the entire time).

I've even tried jamming a couple of times at practise, which isn't something I've done much of in the past - in fact, I would flat out refuse. This change was brought about by one of our star players, Smooch - she's normally our pivot, and skates more than anyone else in our league (frequently to university in the morning, home, to derby, and back home!) on her roller blades. At our last bout, our captain Melvin Star asked Smooch to jam twice in the last half. Smooch has always maintained that she will not jam, but will do anything that Mel asks her to in a game. When I asked Smooch if she would jam in the next game, she told me that for every jam I played as jammer, she would match it. She encouraged me to try it at our last practise, and although I get a little shaky, I can see myself trying it more in the future at practises to get my confidence up, and I think I might even like to try jamming in games next year when I'm feeling a little more confident. I've got to say, I love the girls on my team, and I couldn't imagine being on a different one, as awesome as they are.